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Beez Knees (Saved a Life Today, What Did You Do?)

So I ordered one of those Shell gas card things like a week ago, you know the one where you save 15% the first two months, then 5% for life? Anyways, it hadn’t come in the mail, and as I kept checking I began to realize that nothing was coming in the mail. I didn’t really think much of it and just kept trying. Then on the 5th day of no mail, my neighbor, a really old, very fragile lady, came up to me and asked if I had noticed about the mail not coming. I said yes and she said it was because there was a beehive above the mail box. So I went out there and sure enough, there was a beehive the size of two soccer balls hanging above the mail box. I went back to talk to her and she said she wasn’t getting her much needed medicine in the mail. She also said she called the administration of our houses three days ago and they said they weren’t going to do anything about it. I told her not to worry, I was on the case. I waited till it got dark and got dressed, it was something like this:

Head: Two hoods, a scarf wrapped around my face, a towel wrapped around my head, and a hat that said “Undercover Cop,” all duck taped to my head.

Body: Two hoodies, and a big down ski jacket, with my wrists ducktaped.

Hands: Snow gloves

Legs: Board shorts, jeans, ski pants, with my ankles taped.

Feet: Some skate shoes and long tube socks.

…So I walked out there, parked my truck next to it, turned my headlights on, and called my roomate out to watch, and stood on a trashcan so I could reach. I proceeded to saw off the branch that the beehive was connected to, and I got about half way and the bees were pretty much just chilling. Then I heard a crack, and the tree pretty much split in half from the main stem. The beehive slammed into the ground, and about 5,000 bees unleashed hell. My roomate ran inside screaming and I became swarmed by these enraged animals. I jumped off the trashcan and dragged the half of the tree to my drive way and hosed it down and jumped on all the bees. It started to clear up and I thought, “Hey, this is looking good.” I walked back out to the grass, and it looked like there was huge patches of dirt on it… moving dirt. I realized it was a couple thousand bees and I took buckets of water and dumped it on them. I sweeped all of it into the street, and the mail man came by and gave the woman her medicine, and she lives on. Just about everyone in the area came to my door and thanked me, so I’m pretty much a hero now.

Worship me.

Permalink · Posted by Frye